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Quotes by Mark Twain


"The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug."
By Mark Twain
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"It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it."
By Mark Twain
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"I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting."
By Mark Twain
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"Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it."
By Mark Twain
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"When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained."
By Mark Twain
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"Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform."
By Mark Twain
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"Truth is more of a stranger than fiction."
By Mark Twain
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"Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer."
By Mark Twain
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"Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please"
By Mark Twain
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"God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board"
By Mark Twain
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"I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him."
By Mark Twain
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"Sacred cows make the best hamburger."
By Mark Twain
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"How come we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved."
By Mark Twain
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""Familiarity breeds contempt - and children."
By Mark Twain
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""One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives."
By Mark Twain
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""When angry, count four; when very angry, swear."
By Mark Twain
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"The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco."
By Mark Twain
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"Time cools, time clarifies; no mood can be maintained quite unaltered through the course of hours."
By Mark Twain
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"A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain."
By Mark Twain
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"Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside."
By Mark Twain
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"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare."
By Mark Twain
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"Principles have no real force except when one is well fed."
By Mark Twain
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"Golf is a good walk spoiled."
By Mark Twain
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"Virtue has never been as respectable as money."
By Mark Twain
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"Civilization is a limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities."
By Mark Twain
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"Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example."
By Mark Twain
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"Fame is a vapor; popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion."
By Mark Twain
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"It has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain when awake."
By Mark Twain
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"Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow."
By Mark Twain
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"In Marseilles they make half the toilet soap we consume in America, but the Marseillaise only have a vague theoretical idea of its use, which they have obtained from books of travel."
By Mark Twain
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"It could probably be show by facts and figures that there is no distinctively native American criminal class except Congress."
By Mark Twain
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"Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself."
By Mark Twain
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"Man is the only animal that blushes -- or needs to."
By Mark Twain
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"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society."
By Mark Twain
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"The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer someone else up."
By Mark Twain
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